Cornwall Tour Day Three - Swindon to Tiverton - Lefty Frizzell

 My experience at the Swindon Premier Inn was generally unsatisfactory.  I will detail the reasons for this using a management technique called the shit sandwich.  In common with all Premier Inns the bed was very comfortable.  The downsides were no clock in the room and nowhere to plug in your phone near the bed.  The other major problem was contrary to the company's own web site breakfast did not start until 8:00, which was well after our scheduled departure time.  In its place we were given 'breakfast boxes'  they were useless.  The final positive layer in our metaphorical sandwich was the location was handy for the M4.

My alarm (on my phone, not the one in the room, that would be impossible) woke me at 6:36AM at which point I opened my breakfast box.  It comprised some instant porridge, a belvita bar, some fruit, some orange juice and the kind of muffin where the plastic wrapper will biodegrade long before its contents.  This would have made a great snack but as a calorific prelude to a 120 mile bike ride it was woeful.

We hit the road at 7:45 ish and kept up the strong tradition of team A by going wrong within about 200 meters of the hotel exit.  After a few initial navigation cock ups we set a good pace and were at the first stop 30 miles or so in pretty quickly.  The hope was the pub we were stopping at would do breakfasts.  The hope was raised further by the pub containing lots of people eating breakfast.  The hope was then dashed by being told it was for residents only.  Apparently they didn't like cooking.  Or money.  They did do nice coffee which was accompanied by some cereal bars from the support van.  We also saw a jnr road rage incident opposite the pub but sadly no fisticuffs.

A personal highlight for me was riding through Malmsbury which was where I spent a few weeks of Covid lock down whilst working on a ventilator with Dyson.  It was great to see some of the sights again such as the petrol station which was our main source of booze and the curry house which was the only open take away at that time!  I really must visit again when everything is open as it seems quite nice.

Our next stop was at the bottom of Cheddar Gorge, around 30 miles further up the road.  This was preceded by a rather nasty up hill section (what goes down must go up or something.)  About 2 miles before the climb I realised I was in big trouble when I started to fall off the back of the A-team (falling off the back is a cycling term meaning getting left behind.)  I simply had no energy.

The climb was utter torture and I think I arrived ten minutes behind the team.  I can't be sure on the exact time as they had all done the decent thing and f**ked off to leave me to it.  I say all Padraig was surprisingly the gentleman of the group and waited for me.  We then rode toward the top of the gorge then enjoyed the best descent I have ever completed on two wheels, mile after mile of sweeping bends and smooth tarmac.  As a larger gentleman descending is what I am made for.  The scenery was also spectacular but no time to stop for pictures.  Apart from this one of Dan taken over lunch.

There were loads of spare seats, he chose to sit like that

At this point I was utterly bereft of energy and was planning to spend the rest of the day in the support van.  This is not like me, I am a competitive chap and don't like to back out of a challenge.  Luckily a plate of fish and chips followed by an ice cream worked wonders and after lunch I felt ready to take on the second half of the ride.

Cheddar gorgeous

Next stop was at a Wetlands museum, where a massive bit of cake further upped my energy levels and enthusiasm for the final 30 miles.  The main mistake I had made today is following Padraig who repeatedly managed to fart so violently that even in a strong headwind and cycling at 20mph it still stank.  Not something to repeat tomorrow.

At some point during the final 30 miles a spoke snapped on my rear wheel, this had the effect of partially applying the rear brake at all times.  I did not notice the breakage until we arrived at the hotel but it may explain my lack of pace in the final 10 miles.  At least that is my excuse and I am sticking to it.

Tomorrow is a hillier day but also a shorter overall distance so I am not totally sure what to expect.  Actually I am.  Pain.  That said tonight's Premier Inn has an eat all you want breakfast that starts at 07:00 so already I will be ahead of the game with nutrition compared to today.  We also had a pretty good Italian meal this evening to line our stomachs.

A Covid safe table for 8

The meal was really good, however the service was a bit strange.  They also had a somewhat lackadaisical attitude to the pandemic, suggesting that as we were all together (spread over several tables) they could move us to a table for 18 instead.  We were also joined by tomorrow's guest rider Chris who is my brother from another mother.  It was a shame I didn't feel up for having a quick beer with him this evening but probably for the best.

Time to sleep now and enjoy the bedside phone charging facilities!  Night night.

p.s. today's blog title references the Lefty Frizzell song "there's no food in this house."  An easily fixable situation I often find myself in at home, but not really good enough for a hotel chain that advertises breakfast from seven at weekends........

p.p.s almost forgot to mention the amusingly named Strava segment.....

Grow up